How to Reduce The Schmuck Factor

Anyone who has been in the workforce long enough has had the opportunity to work for, or with, someone who really didn't fit in, didn't perform up to expectations, and basically made you wonder if your employer received some sort of tax credit for keeping this individual employed. It is these individuals that we loving refer to as "Schmucks".

We all have Schmucks. If we are honest, we can agree that we all are subject to our temporary moments of Schmuckdom.

Based on the fact that, on average, 20% of the sales people generate 80% of the sales, the "Schmuck Factor" in most sales teams is higher than in the rest of the organization. Ever heard of "20% of Developers writing 80% of the code" or "20% of Client Supporting handling 80% of the issues"? Nope. Its just sales.

So where does it start? How do schmucks invade our teams, consume our time and resources, and still manage to under perform? Naturally it begins with the hiring process.

Hiring is the process of evaluating and projecting the productivity of human capital. One of the most common flaws is not having HR directly involved throughout the evaluation and hiring process. Most see it as an extension of the responsibility of those with little to no training in this area.

The sales manager hires the sales people, the VP of Development hires the programmer, etc. While these individuals have a level of mastery in their disciplines, that bears far less indication on their ability to evaluate talent than conventional wisdom would dictate.

Sales, Programming, and Hiring are all best executed when a team of professionals can come together and Plan, Prepare, and Execute on a strategy.

Conditions for Throwing the Schmuck Flag

While my track record is far from perfect on making hires, here a few items and practices that you can use to weed out the viable candidates from the next poster child for the Schmuckular Association of America.

Resume and Interview Red Flags

• Long Periods of Unemployment

“I have been taking care of my sick mother/father/aunt/dog” is one of the most common responses you will see when there's a gap in employment.

• Series of Short Term Jobs

Now you have to cut the candidate some slack with this one. In technology, mergers, acquisitions, and implosions are quite common. However if you are looking at a series of short-term jobs 6 to 12 months in length, and the companies are still around, that should be a red flag.

• Many Unrelated Jobs in Work History

In close knit industries a really bad apple will have a tough time finding a job. So if you see someone go from widgets, to gadgets, to midgets in consecutive moves be aware.

• Typos, Poor Spelling, Grammar on Resume

I'll admit it, Ive had a typo on my resume for a few weeks before someone clued me in. I'm a lousy speller and it just didn't catch my eye. For the record I had numerous professionals review my resume and it was my professional doc writer who caught the mistake.

• Lack of Progression in Job History

“I have been an assistant bookkeeper for 20 years” = I haven't been promoted in 20 years.

• Vague Descriptions, Rounded Dates

Can you imagine what the Enron team's resume's look like? “Worked for one of the fastest growing and dominate companies in the 1990s, then took time off to care for my sick father, mother, and aunt.”

Interview Red Flags

• Late or Tardy without Legitimate Explanation
• Dressed Poorly
• Overly Cocky
• Stresses Personal Beliefs Too Strongly
• Overly Defensive
• Perceived Vendetta Against Former Employers

A Lesson Learned

This guy comes to our team through a recruiter. The recruiter says that the candidate matches our "must have" criteria, but really doesn't share any additional or ancillary information or provide his "gut-feel" for the candidate. (Red Flag #1)

Given the candidate's background with one of our major competitors, we jumped at the chance to meet/hire him. We were a smaller, start-up and were practically salivating over the insight and competitive intelligence the candidate bought to the table. (Red Flag #2)

We flew the candidate in to our corporate HQ for an 11am meeting. He arrived, sans coat and tie and looking a bit disheveled. He explained that he spilled coffee on himself and he had to rush to the mall for a new shirt and pants. Looking back, and this will be important later on in the story, he smelled an awful lot like mouthwash.

The candidate spent the day in the office, meeting anyone and everyone under the sun. Everyone was impressed by his aggressiveness and take no prisoners attitude... we hired him immediately. We really didn't evaluate any criteria other than how aggressive he could be, nor did we do any background checking via personal networks, nor did we subject him to any standardized personality tests, because other than the overpowering aroma of mouthwash, the new change of clothes, and the demeanor that bore a striking resemblance to Al Pacino in the climatic shootout in "Scar Face", nothing seemed out of the ordinary. (Red Flags out the wazoo)

The biggest flaw in this process was us. The hiring team was so inexperienced and immature that there were numerous mistakes made based on sheer lack of expertise and alpha-male egos that dispelled any thought of asking for assistance.

Less than 12 months later the candidate would, as part of his retaliation for being fired, send a company-wide email that would eventually wind up on a blog.

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How to Reduce The Schmuck Factor

Anyone who has been in the workforce long enough has had the opportunity to work for, or with, someone who really didn't fit in, didn't perform up to expectations, and basically made you wonder if your employer received some sort of tax credit for keeping this individual employed. It is these individuals that we loving refer to as "Schmucks".

We all have Schmucks. If we are honest, we can agree that we all are subject to our temporary moments of Schmuckdom.

Based on the fact that, on average, 20% of the sales people generate 80% of the sales, the "Schmuck Factor" in most sales teams is higher than in the rest of the organization. Ever heard of "20% of Developers writing 80% of the code" or "20% of Client Supporting handling 80% of the issues"? Nope. Its just sales.

So where does it start? How do schmucks invade our teams, consume our time and resources, and still manage to under perform? Naturally it begins with the hiring process.

Hiring is the process of evaluating and projecting the productivity of human capital. One of the most common flaws is not having HR directly involved throughout the evaluation and hiring process. Most see it as an extension of the responsibility of those with little to no training in this area.

The sales manager hires the sales people, the VP of Development hires the programmer, etc. While these individuals have a level of mastery in their disciplines, that bears far less indication on their ability to evaluate talent than conventional wisdom would dictate.

Sales, Programming, and Hiring are all best executed when a team of professionals can come together and Plan, Prepare, and Execute on a strategy.

Conditions for Throwing the Schmuck Flag

While my track record is far from perfect on making hires, here a few items and practices that you can use to weed out the viable candidates from the next poster child for the Schmuckular Association of America.

Resume and Interview Red Flags

• Long Periods of Unemployment

“I have been taking care of my sick mother/father/aunt/dog” is one of the most common responses you will see when there's a gap in employment.

• Series of Short Term Jobs

Now you have to cut the candidate some slack with this one. In technology, mergers, acquisitions, and implosions are quite common. However if you are looking at a series of short-term jobs 6 to 12 months in length, and the companies are still around, that should be a red flag.

• Many Unrelated Jobs in Work History

In close knit industries a really bad apple will have a tough time finding a job. So if you see someone go from widgets, to gadgets, to midgets in consecutive moves be aware.

• Typos, Poor Spelling, Grammar on Resume

I'll admit it, Ive had a typo on my resume for a few weeks before someone clued me in. I'm a lousy speller and it just didn't catch my eye. For the record I had numerous professionals review my resume and it was my professional doc writer who caught the mistake.

• Lack of Progression in Job History

“I have been an assistant bookkeeper for 20 years” = I haven't been promoted in 20 years.

• Vague Descriptions, Rounded Dates

Can you imagine what the Enron team's resume's look like? “Worked for one of the fastest growing and dominate companies in the 1990s, then took time off to care for my sick father, mother, and aunt.”

Interview Red Flags

• Late or Tardy without Legitimate Explanation
• Dressed Poorly
• Overly Cocky
• Stresses Personal Beliefs Too Strongly
• Overly Defensive
• Perceived Vendetta Against Former Employers

A Lesson Learned

This guy comes to our team through a recruiter. The recruiter says that the candidate matches our "must have" criteria, but really doesn't share any additional or ancillary information or provide his "gut-feel" for the candidate. (Red Flag #1)

Given the candidate's background with one of our major competitors, we jumped at the chance to meet/hire him. We were a smaller, start-up and were practically salivating over the insight and competitive intelligence the candidate bought to the table. (Red Flag #2)

We flew the candidate in to our corporate HQ for an 11am meeting. He arrived, sans coat and tie and looking a bit disheveled. He explained that he spilled coffee on himself and he had to rush to the mall for a new shirt and pants. Looking back, and this will be important later on in the story, he smelled an awful lot like mouthwash.

The candidate spent the day in the office, meeting anyone and everyone under the sun. Everyone was impressed by his aggressiveness and take no prisoners attitude... we hired him immediately. We really didn't evaluate any criteria other than how aggressive he could be, nor did we do any background checking via personal networks, nor did we subject him to any standardized personality tests, because other than the overpowering aroma of mouthwash, the new change of clothes, and the demeanor that bore a striking resemblance to Al Pacino in the climatic shootout in "Scar Face", nothing seemed out of the ordinary. (Red Flags out the wazoo)

The biggest flaw in this process was us. The hiring team was so inexperienced and immature that there were numerous mistakes made based on sheer lack of expertise and alpha-male egos that dispelled any thought of asking for assistance.

Less than 12 months later the candidate would, as part of his retaliation for being fired, send a company-wide email that would eventually wind up on a blog.

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Signs Your Sales Rep is a Moron

Some sales-centric publications claim that 65% of sales people do not belong in sales. As a sales manager you wonder at times if that number is a tad low. However, as a service to our readers, we've put this quick reference list together to help you spot those 65%'ers in your organization.

Signs Your Sales Rep is a Moron

• They talk more than anyone else
  

• They try to create some remote, third-party connection with prospects. For example “Yeah, my cousin did time in your state. So we are like family.”

• They claim that your solution can do everything, just name it. For example. “You want an open, yet proprietary architecture that will randomly reset the credentials in your enterprise single sign on layer? Oh heck, no problem.”

• They know nothing about the prospect, their business model, or even the city in which the prospect is located, but pretend they do. For example “Valdosta, GA? Oh yeah, thats where they grow those onions. Its like a second home to me.” (Vidalia, GA grows the onions)
  

• Their presentation is focused on the history of the company, the great things about the products and services, yet says nothing about how they will help the prospect or why really anyone should do business with your company. For example “Now that we are done with our three hour overview of our products for DOS, lets talk pricing”

• They wont get off the phone even though the prospect has given valid reasons to support the claim that they are not interested. For example “Ok, I know that your bank really doesn't do anything with South American Derivates, but can you at least watch our demo?

• They trash the competition, a lot. For example “Im not saying that your current vendor likes to skin the pelts off puppies, but have you ever seen a puppy around their offices?”

What Not to Wear

Back in my Federal Days, my team received the opportunity to work on a project with the Executive Office of the President of the United States.

Damn near wet myself when it got setup.

After our inside team gave us the details, I called the project lead at the EOPOTUS and made introductions, confirmed the major details of their evaluation, and walked through the needs analysis. At the conclusion of this exercise we scheduled an on site meeting and presentation.

About a week before our meeting, I received an email from the lead asking that we make sure that our people dressed appropriately.

Initially, I thought the guy was slamming me on being from the deep south and somehow had formed a mental image of me and my team showing up with Appalachian-grade dental work, coveralls, and "We Love Willie Nelson" T-Shirts.

When I called him to clarify, the lead explained that sadly, it was simply a fact that they regularly had a series of outside vendors that did not dress appropriately for the dignity of their office.

Let me set this down for you, this is the President's Executive Office, they are across the street from the White House, you have to get Secret Service clearance to get into the building, there are very nice people there with guns who will shoot you, this is a serious place.

As a vendor, what in the hell are you thinking...."Hmmm.....Executive....Office.....of the President.........President is a Republican.....Their Color is Blue, No Red.....Red....Ok....Ill wear the Red Logo'd Golf Shirt.....that will surely get us the deal.

In case you ever wonder what to wear to a client's location, ask yourself what would a lawyer, management consultant, or executive coach wear to this location and go with that.

Knife at a Gun Fight

Competitive intelligence can help you position your solution on higher ground if used properly, but if your are an idiot, it can be accelerate to a quick departure.

The best way to start this story is from the end. We hired a sales rep, Steve, who had recently worked at a competitor, "Blue Spot Technologies". After his hiring, the rep shared how, at his old company, he competed against us once at an account that was one of the most bizarre and easiest wins for him and his company. He barely put forth any effort and was sure that he had lost when he received a phone call asking for contracts and the client's desire to be implemented as quickly as possible.

Now, as we rewind a little, the situation was that "Horizons Corporation" was evaluating solutions and had narrowed the finalist down to us and Blue Spot.

As part of their due diligence Horizons decided to have an PoC or "Proof of Concept" exercise. A PoC is where a vendor comes on-site and installs a reasonable representation of the proposed solution and has the technical teams and client users perform scripted exercises. As a vendor I despise these things, but if I were recommending how to evaluate solutions, this would be it.

So we schedule the PoC with Horizons with Don (Remember Don?) as the Sales Rep and "DJ" as the Sales Engineer, the guy who would have to do the majority of the work.

As always seems to be the case, Horizons was located a good distance away from a major airport and our team had to drive several hours to reach their location. Because of scheduling conflicts DJ and Don had to travel separately.

DJ arrived early morning the first day and spent the better part of the day installing, configuring, and finally setting up our PoC system.

One of the issues that we were battling was that Blue Spot's user interface was perceived as superior and our team's job was to educate the prospect that the effectiveness of a user interface is relative to the task at hand.

While Blue Spot's interface was great for editing content that was already posted on a website, it was poorly designed for creating a multi-page document, one of our strengths. After numerous hours, DJ's attention to detail and thorough alignment of our solution with their challenges was yielding us some leverage in the evaluation.

With two hours left in the day, Don showed up.

Don enters the office, makes a brief exchange of handshakes and asks for a private office where he "could make some calls". Nothing like putting the prospect first.

After some time Don emerges and declares" Who want steaks!!!? Tell me your best steakhouse in town and we are going!!!!!" The legend continues that he finished this off with some neanderthal "booyaaa", but those reports cant be confirmed.

Two poor saps, who didn't really want to go, but felt awkward in not accepting this sudden display of generosity, raised their hands.

On a side note here, our marketing team was responsible for maintaining a library of intelligence on our competitors. The challenge is this endeavor is that your competition doesn't inform you of updates, so it was our understanding that we used this information only to help establish our position, not as a fodder for a full frontal assault. In fact at that time our intelligence on Blue Spot was pushing 18 months old. Don was given explicit instructions, DO NOT SHARE THIS WITH A PROSPECT!!!

So after some very expensive steaks, Don whips out the document and starts going down point by point. "Blue Spot cant do this, so that's bad" to which the prospect replies "No actually they do that, in fact, come to think of it, they do it better than you do".

At this point DJ, not one to enjoy witnessing career suicide, picks up his drink and goes to play Golden Tee.

15 minutes later, DJ returns to the table to witness the prospect actually defending Blue Spot, with a fervor and zeal that exceeded the pitch that they received from the Blue Spot Sales Rep the previous week.

Don, unfazed by the omnipresent sense of failure, continues on to the second page of the out-dated intelligence document. The prospects respond with a stunned silence that was on line with what you would hear if someone quite loudly broke wind in church.

The after dinner coffees are finished and the members of the Horizons team bolt out the restaurant like greyhounds.

Don decides to debrief DJ over a few beers.

Don: "Man, that went great. It is ours to lose".

DJ: "No......No...I don't think so"

DJ then points out that at one point Don threw this gem out there ""OK requirement one... interface. So our interface is... you know what, I'm just going to give that one to Blue Spot, lets take that off the table, ok?"

DJ was so enraged that he unconsciously snapped his pen while having the discussion. It was metal.

We lost the deal. Steve got his blue-bird phone call. DJ was reassigned away from Don. Don was arrested the following week on his way to a demo.

Whats in a Name?

The post below was forwarded to me in response to a question posted on linkedin.com. After initially reading and laughing, a horrible thought struck me "Uh, oh I might be one of the guys he's talking about".

Thank you Gerald for sharing

"I've had business development people greet me in public places in a highly enthusiastic manner, which diminished not one iota after I advised them that I did not actually go by the name by which they addressed me.

In fact, I am an entirely different person and have an actual acquaintance with the real people they thought I was.

The five times this has happened, I was pressed to accept a business card and a luncheon invitation, both of which I have not further pursued."

-Gerald L.
www.linkedin.com

IM Slang - Learn It Before You Use It

The advent of Internet chat has allowed virtual teams to communicate just as effectively as those in the same office.

One member of my team "Sue" had an unusual perception on the proper use of the "lol" acronym. Instead of relaying the condition of "laughing out loud" she used it as more of an end of transmission signal. Much in the same manner that CB'ers would use "10-4" or the military would use "Roger".

Me: "Hey Sue, How's it Going"

Sue: "Hey, Doing Great LOL"

Me: "How did your doctor's visit go?"

Sue: "After some tests, it was determined that I have a flesh eating virus, LOL"

Sue: "Crap, there goes my left arm, LOL"

Me: "Holy Jesus, Sue"

Sue: "Oh Yeah, the pain can not be described with mere words, LOL"

Sue: "Oh heavenly father, please take me now dear sweet lord, LOL"

While I'm not proud about it, I loved chatting with Sue.

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Long Arm of the Law

Its a true shame that law enforcement isn't involved more directly in the sales process. . .

Summertime, and a few of the sales engineers on the team were on vacation - I cover for someone in Texas, and I have a colleague from San Francisco cover the Chicago trip. Not unusual until I get a call right before my meeting.

"Hey, what's up. Where's *Dave*? We have a meeting that I flew here to cover and he's not here yet. We need to present in 20 minutes."

"I'll check."

20 minutes pass with no sign of *Dave*. *Jennifer* runs the call, no problem.

*Dave,* as it turns out, got into a mild (mild, mind you) fender-bender on the way to the call, with a woman hitting the rear bumper of his car.

*Dave* goes ballistic, screaming at the woman.

Police arrive; *Dave* continues erupting, demanding that the police "do something."

They did.

"Sir, turn around and put your hands on the hood of the car, you're under arrest."

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