"Hi Bob, have you tried "natural" male enhancement? I saw the commercial on TV last night and immediately thought of you"
"Wow Barbara, that dress looks great. Did you get it in the "big girls" section at Lane Bryant?"
"So the wife and I just joined a swingers club......"
I would hope the readers of this blog would agree that these are lines that would exude a certain level of awkwardness and discomfort if they appeared in casual conversation.
However, as a sales professional we can generate similar feelings of discomfort with our prospects if we start to trash our competition.
I hate to burst your bubble, but you remember that great conversation you had where you felt like you and the prospect really "connected" and you shared how your competitor's solution has been linked to Herpes Simplex 10?
Well here's a news flash, your competitor had that same "connecting" conversation and when the subject of your company came up, he responded this with this:
"You are looking at ACME? You know they do very well in Java shops and I've seen some good press on them. However, knowing your internal infrastructure, project requirements, and with the fact that your CEO is sponsoring this project, I am confident that our solution, along with the reputation of our company, will not only surpass your technical needs, but offer a degree of comfort and validation that you are doing business with the industry leader."
See the difference? Herpes vs. Industry Leader?
Of course we need a real life example to really drive this point home. Next week, we'll share a life less from Don.
Remember Don?
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Vendor to English Dictionary
VENDOR/
ENGLISH
“This is A Win/Win"
You didnt beat the hell out of me on price, and god how I love you for it.
"We are strategic platform for your entire organization"
We will own you, your data, and your little dog too
"We are not a vendor, but a partner"
We are a Vendor
"Our Value Add"
Those one or two things that we do different from the other 1000 vendors out there
"We are endorsed by your local association and/or user group"
Theres a good chance that I wrote a check to someone to be able to say that, and they will get a cut off any money you give me, and by the way, given a choice, I would rather be a partner with the Soprano family
"Our system is not compatible with 3rd party systems"
We want you to believe that we own you, and despite the fact that we sold you on our "open architecture" our system is more closed than Chik-Fil-A on a Sunday
"We provide a total solution"
We are one or two features behind the market on our technology so we compensate with Professional Services offerings
"This is cutting edge technology"
Beta Version
“Its coming in the next release"
I hope to all that is holy that this is coming in the next release
“Wow, thats really thinking outside the box"
You are an idiot
“Our RFP Response is Comprehensive, It tells you who we are as a company"
I have no clue what you are trying to pull off so I threw the kitchen sink into our response
"We are a best of breed solution"
We dont do much but this one thing
"Thats a pretty aggressive timeframe to be implemented"
Holy Crap, No Way Are You Going to Make that date
"So You are a consultant, well have a great time at the trade show"
Please get the hell away from my trade booth and get somebody in here that has the power to buy something
"This guy wins our door prize"
This guy has my contracts and is ready to sign
"We provide a platform"
We have two products
“Instead of providing you a local reference, I would like to provide you with a reference that shares more of your operational characteristics"
We dont have a reference in your area
ENGLISH
“This is A Win/Win"
You didnt beat the hell out of me on price, and god how I love you for it.
"We are strategic platform for your entire organization"
We will own you, your data, and your little dog too
"We are not a vendor, but a partner"
We are a Vendor
"Our Value Add"
Those one or two things that we do different from the other 1000 vendors out there
"We are endorsed by your local association and/or user group"
Theres a good chance that I wrote a check to someone to be able to say that, and they will get a cut off any money you give me, and by the way, given a choice, I would rather be a partner with the Soprano family
"Our system is not compatible with 3rd party systems"
We want you to believe that we own you, and despite the fact that we sold you on our "open architecture" our system is more closed than Chik-Fil-A on a Sunday
"We provide a total solution"
We are one or two features behind the market on our technology so we compensate with Professional Services offerings
"This is cutting edge technology"
Beta Version
“Its coming in the next release"
I hope to all that is holy that this is coming in the next release
“Wow, thats really thinking outside the box"
You are an idiot
“Our RFP Response is Comprehensive, It tells you who we are as a company"
I have no clue what you are trying to pull off so I threw the kitchen sink into our response
"We are a best of breed solution"
We dont do much but this one thing
"Thats a pretty aggressive timeframe to be implemented"
Holy Crap, No Way Are You Going to Make that date
"So You are a consultant, well have a great time at the trade show"
Please get the hell away from my trade booth and get somebody in here that has the power to buy something
"This guy wins our door prize"
This guy has my contracts and is ready to sign
"We provide a platform"
We have two products
“Instead of providing you a local reference, I would like to provide you with a reference that shares more of your operational characteristics"
We dont have a reference in your area
Thursday, September 27, 2007
A Rose By Any Other Name
There's a fine line between organic fertilizer and a big steaming turd, its all in the packaging.
Most sales professionals have honed a sense of "packaging" information in a way where it can be easily consumed by the target audience.
For example, instead of "you are going to have to upgrade all of your servers to run the new version" we will typically relay this information in a manner close to "with the power and robustness of the new release, its understandable that the hardware specs have been upgraded".
The old, bad joke goes a sales rep tried this in his relationships. Instead of "I'm having an affair with the secretary", he informed his wife that "he would no longer be making any more sexual demands of her" to which she replied "Thank you dear, that's very sweet".
"Jim" was one of our chief software gurus. I don't remember the pecking order of our developer food chain, but he was pretty high up there. "Pamela" was our head strong, hard charging, take-no-prisoners, SVP of Sales. From the moment they exited the respective wombs, it was written that these two would clash.
One thing I can say about Yankees, my affectionate term for anyone who lives North of Macon, Ga, is that they can party. Every time my Yankee-laden company would have a sales meeting the pattern was always the same; a lot of really boring, borderline unproductive meetings, followed by a great steak at some overpriced restaurant that at some point in its history made one of those lists than you see in airplane magazines, and booze, a lot of booze.
After dinner, as it was custom, our band of semi-intoxicated castaways, would find the nearest bar and spend the rest of the evening in our version of a team building exercises, aka, more booze and golden tee.
Earlier in the day, a long simmering feud among Pamela and Jim finally came to a head. There was shouting, screaming, and the slamming of doors, etc. Which, if you are dude, the worst thing you can ever do is that whole slam the door thing, very wussie-ish.
So some 10 hours later, we learned that the feud was not resolved, and that Pam and Jim were starting to ease back into their verbal boxing gloves. We were standing/sitting in a semi-circle and you could feel the tension.
As the first round of the rematch was set to begin, I was standing next to Jim when he burps. A little burp, nothing too loud. But his reply to the burp was an "oh boy, that's not good". You veterans know where this is going.
The next thing that happens, was one of those things that you can see in slow motion as it happens.
Pam was famous for her fashion sense. Love her, Hate her, the woman knows how to dress well. At the time, the over priced handbag of choice was about the size of a small Samsonite and Pam's was laying on the floor, wide open, like a receptacle.
Back to the slow motion thing, so Jim burps, realizes whats coming and stands up and in probably the most graceful of motions projects the contents of his stomach into the air in a fine rainbow arc. Visualize a water balloon rupturing in mid-flight, but only with puke, in a club. It seems to hang in the air forever, slowing wafting onto those who were unfortunate in their seating locations. Im not sure but I think the hit count topped seven.
For all of his brilliance, Jim was equally proud and humble and naturally was horribly embarrassed at his accident and made a quick retreat. In his haste however he failed to notice what gift that physics had brought.
The next morning, after discussing the evenings events with select members of our team, and receiving a little coaching, Jim's explanation of the evening to the curious masses went something close to this "Pam and I had a fight. She kept on disagreeing with me, so I puked in her purse. That's how the JDog rolls. End of story."
The curious masses were satisfied. Jim's "street cred" increased. And Pam had the opportunity to upgrade her "everyday" purse.
Its all in the packaging.
Most sales professionals have honed a sense of "packaging" information in a way where it can be easily consumed by the target audience.
For example, instead of "you are going to have to upgrade all of your servers to run the new version" we will typically relay this information in a manner close to "with the power and robustness of the new release, its understandable that the hardware specs have been upgraded".
The old, bad joke goes a sales rep tried this in his relationships. Instead of "I'm having an affair with the secretary", he informed his wife that "he would no longer be making any more sexual demands of her" to which she replied "Thank you dear, that's very sweet".
"Jim" was one of our chief software gurus. I don't remember the pecking order of our developer food chain, but he was pretty high up there. "Pamela" was our head strong, hard charging, take-no-prisoners, SVP of Sales. From the moment they exited the respective wombs, it was written that these two would clash.
One thing I can say about Yankees, my affectionate term for anyone who lives North of Macon, Ga, is that they can party. Every time my Yankee-laden company would have a sales meeting the pattern was always the same; a lot of really boring, borderline unproductive meetings, followed by a great steak at some overpriced restaurant that at some point in its history made one of those lists than you see in airplane magazines, and booze, a lot of booze.
After dinner, as it was custom, our band of semi-intoxicated castaways, would find the nearest bar and spend the rest of the evening in our version of a team building exercises, aka, more booze and golden tee.
Earlier in the day, a long simmering feud among Pamela and Jim finally came to a head. There was shouting, screaming, and the slamming of doors, etc. Which, if you are dude, the worst thing you can ever do is that whole slam the door thing, very wussie-ish.
So some 10 hours later, we learned that the feud was not resolved, and that Pam and Jim were starting to ease back into their verbal boxing gloves. We were standing/sitting in a semi-circle and you could feel the tension.
As the first round of the rematch was set to begin, I was standing next to Jim when he burps. A little burp, nothing too loud. But his reply to the burp was an "oh boy, that's not good". You veterans know where this is going.
The next thing that happens, was one of those things that you can see in slow motion as it happens.
Pam was famous for her fashion sense. Love her, Hate her, the woman knows how to dress well. At the time, the over priced handbag of choice was about the size of a small Samsonite and Pam's was laying on the floor, wide open, like a receptacle.
Back to the slow motion thing, so Jim burps, realizes whats coming and stands up and in probably the most graceful of motions projects the contents of his stomach into the air in a fine rainbow arc. Visualize a water balloon rupturing in mid-flight, but only with puke, in a club. It seems to hang in the air forever, slowing wafting onto those who were unfortunate in their seating locations. Im not sure but I think the hit count topped seven.
For all of his brilliance, Jim was equally proud and humble and naturally was horribly embarrassed at his accident and made a quick retreat. In his haste however he failed to notice what gift that physics had brought.
The next morning, after discussing the evenings events with select members of our team, and receiving a little coaching, Jim's explanation of the evening to the curious masses went something close to this "Pam and I had a fight. She kept on disagreeing with me, so I puked in her purse. That's how the JDog rolls. End of story."
The curious masses were satisfied. Jim's "street cred" increased. And Pam had the opportunity to upgrade her "everyday" purse.
Its all in the packaging.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Top Ten Signs Your Sales Rep is About to Leave
- During sales demo, explains that, while not proven, he suspects that your new product has proven to cause global warming
- Shows up to work, exceedingly happy, like a lifer whose just been given parole
- During cold calls, refers to your cutting edge solution as "that crap we sell"
- On casual fridays, shows up wearing "Monster.com Job Fair - Fall 2007" T-Shirt
- Updates company email signature to include his personal email address sexmachine07@yahoo.com
- Instead of the customary "hey", greets everyone with a hug and the instructions "come with me if you want to live"
- Asks for assistance in downloading sales database to his jumpdrive. The new one, emblazzened with your competitor's logo.
- Chats up the boss by asking if ever noticed that his (the boss') Porsche boxter is more of a chick's car
- His linkedin profile has more personal detail than his DNA
- His last expense reports include items ranging from "Mileage" to "War in Iraq".
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